Overwhelmed, But A-OK......
To say that the last two months have been wild is a massive understatement......
Awesome things have happened! We have new house! OUR house!! Yay!
I am wore out.
Like dragging on the ground wore out..
One thing I have always struggled with is the energy level of the people around me in contrast to what I need to get done.
Those of you who are my friends on FB know that I've been getting my house together.
Like just knocked out of the park together.
Why?
Because I am not someone who can functionally live in the midst of chaos and mess.
I.
Just.
Can't.
Chaos and mess is what I have lived in the midst of for the last several years in having four children shortly after one another, a husband who struggled with drug and alcohol addiction for many years of our marriage, the fear and uncertainty surrounding that, several moves (very shortly after having two of those children), and so much more.
I completely burned out about three years ago.
It was UGLY.
Only, it was internally ugly because that is how I roll. I am a stuffer. An emotional stuffer. And it is HARD for me to share the ugly.
God has REALLY been working on me about perfection. Specifically letting go of it.
Which, if I'm going to be real here, turns my stomach and makes me feel like my world is spinning. In fact, right now, typing that has raised my heart rate and caused me to break out into a mild sweat. hahaha Sigh.....
So what do I do now when I am feeling overwhelmed and unbalanced by life inside my house?
Nothing. I just stop and sit down. Sometimes I close my eyes for a moment and just let the chaos of the children rage around me for a bit.
Really, I can't make anything perfect because it was never meant to be that way. I genuinely want my house to be a HOME. I want to be REAL and someone that other mamas can feel comfortable being around because I'm just crazy enough around the edges to be relatable. I'm supposed to be drawing others in to Christ, and if I am so "perfect" in my house and externally that others don't feel I am accessible, then I have missed the mark somewhere along the line.
So, I will continue to take time outs. I will continue to hide in the bathroom and pray. I will continue to allow my neighbors to come in even when it looks like a tornado blew through the inside of my house, and not make excuses. (Hey...they came over at the mid-end of my day of homeschooling five children, cooking all day, and having just moved in..that is a very clear "at your own risk" situation..;)).
My life is not my own, I was bought at a price. I was never promised a life of ease, but I WAS promised that my Savior would be with me every step of the way. And that ladies, is why I can be overwhelmed, feeling unbalanced, and a-ok at the same time.