An Extra Measure....

"And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:18-20

In times of intensive stress, or while gearing up for a day that I am all too uncertain of, I will ask for an "extra measure" of whatever I feel I am lacking to move forward in that day with.

And God has never failed to supply that measure to me. Not once.

Growing up the enemy made sure that I knew just how insignificant, unloved, and unworthy of love I was. Love, covering, grace, and being dealt with tenderly were meant for other girls....prettier girls...smarter girls...girls who from birth had the kiss of favor upon their foreheads.

Can you relate?

I felt cursed for much of my growing up time because those "truths" had been confirmed in me over and over again by outside sources.... people I should have been able to trust with my heart and mind. So much so that when I came joyfully to the Cross at the age of 26 (which is a whole other amazing story for another day), even though I received of Christ, God still had a mighty cleansing work to do in my heart and mind.

It is a work that has spanned over 14 years now.

Even though I am quite literally a 110% a different person than when I started, some things have still lingered in my flesh.

Memories. Painful memories.

You see... we are cleansed of all of our sins, but our flesh remains, and our flesh remembers the pain of our past. Sometimes, that remembrance can try to get in the way of the good work that God is doing now.....

We have an amazing blessing that has come to our family of seven rather quickly and unexpectedly..... well, it was unexpectedly to ME.

My husband was not surprised in the least because he'd been praying for this for quite a while...

A home of our own!!!

Since the second week in August, we've been at the cusp of a new chapter. The surreal beginning of a new season that I did not know was meant for us. Many years ago I gave up on the hope of a home that was ours.

Not because I was upset in any way...it was just too much to hold onto that, plus do everything else that I was up to my eyeballs in. I have a tendency to do that....release possible blessings because I can't "see" how its going to come about. Know what I mean?

It was just easier than dealing with constant disappointment, and envy (yuck) in watching everyone else receive what I wanted so badly for our family. Nothing like seething jealousy to mess up a healing heart right?

During this time I have dealt with more ugly truths (and feeling ashamed about them) in regards to where my heart is REALLY at in trusting the Lord for absolutely everything (even the good stuff!)....I literally could not believe that something this GOOD was happening to us! Which is COMPLETELY ridiculous right???? RIGHT???

Sigh.....

I've not allowed myself to fully rejoice in this time. What came to light is that I am still carrying with me the banner that declares that I am not worthy. That good things are meant for others. I've spent this time waiting for the other shoe to drop... waiting for it to all fall through...for the "truth" about who I "really" am to be revealed again. My tender, still healing heart, has struggled so badly with this blessing that God is pouring out on us.

And yet....Despite my quivering heart....

We close on the 28th of this month!!!

In just about a weeks time we will be sleeping in our beautiful new home!! Everything has gone supernaturally smoothly, just like we prayed for it to..... God has not dropped the ball, and He has no plans to.

Every single day, I have come to Him on my knees in my heart asking Him to remove this root of worthlessness that I have struggled with for so. darn. long.

You want to know something? I KNOW that He is working on it right now.... I'm no spring chicken in my walk... I've seen Him move mountains, and I know that NOTHING is too great for Him to overcome. Just because I may struggle with reconciling an amazing new season, does not mean that I reject it, it means that I place even more faith in Him and rely on how far He's brought me to this point to be my focal point.

Asking for an extra measure of whatever I need from the Lord daily was born of a desperate heart to just survive the day ahead, but has become an act of faith building. Isn't that amazing? Not just in my life, but the lives of women that God places in my path to encourage with the testimony He has given me.

Do you feel like you are you hanging by your fingernails today sister? Are you unsure if you have the strength to walk another step forward?

Ask Him for an "extra measure" of what you need. He WILL answer because you are His and He is yours....He loves you with an everlasting love that nothing on this earth can remove. He will give you the strength to move forward in faith, to do what He has for you to do today. Let that be your banner, and rejoice in it!

Father God, I come before you today and ask you for an extra measure of faith in You and Your goodness over my heart and life today. I thank you that in this uncertain world, I have you for my anchor. I thank You that never will you leave me, never will you forsake me. I am Yours and You are mine. I love you Lord. In Jesus name, Amen